Saturday, 25 December 2010

The Queen's Speech

Our sovereign, Her Majesty the Queen the Second, has addressed the nation today, so we thought that you would like to read our thoughts.

At this time of year it is traditional for the Queen to take five minutes away from plucking swans and shooting peasants, we mean pheasants, to remind us all that we are not free citizens of a democracy but the Monarchy's loyal subjects.

HMS Windsor's theme this week was sport. Or the bible. Or the history of the Monarchy. Or choir boys. Or our wonderful royal princelinesses prancing around in rugger shirts cos they're proper regular lads of the realm not isolated ponces who have no clue about the lives of ordinary folk like us. We often pop over to Africa for a rugger match with the local kids there.

Cintless thisands of people give up their time each week to play sports, and sport and games can teach important social skills, such as bribery, fighting and sacking the manager.

Not only do people compete in sports but they orften find that they like each other too. I wish the same could be said of the Royal family.

Her Majesticness's love of sport was apparent, not from her convincing and heartfelt message but from the fact that she was absent-mindedly watching a tennis match while talking to the nation. Cool multitasking.

And out of her 5 minutes, about 3 was taken up with choirs singing, people getting medals and lords-a-leaping. And Prince Andrew patronising some legless golfers.

And so we wish you and the people you care about a very Merry Christmas.

Anyone you don't care about, like tramps and foreigners, can get stuffed.

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