Monday, 13 December 2010

Who would you give your marketing budget to? An Internet marketing expert or a bug munching celebrity?

As you may or may not know, we recently coined 'The Fry' as the standard unit of Internet authority.

But who should you spend your marketing budget with?

Is it a self-proclaimed Internet marketing expert or someone who is famous for eating giant caterpillars?

These marketing gurus all claim to be able to skyrocket your business to massive growth potential. They claim social media such as Twitter to be the latest and greatest new way that they are going to put your business on the map. And they claim to be experts in using Twitter to KO your competition and boost your profits to stratospheric levels. They even have photos of themselves standing next to sports cars and boats, just to prove it all works.

First, let's check out our sell-ebrities' Fry ratings...
Celeb Fry rating
Aggro 2.8
Alison 5.8
Britt 7.1
Dom 33.3
Gillian 8.8
Jenny 9.8
Kayla 4.1
Lembit 6.7
Linford 3.7
Nigel 0.13
Shaun 2.0
Sheryl 0.15
Stacey 114.0
What about Internet marketers? Here are the top ten, according to their Google rank for the search phrase "Internet marketing expert".

Remember, a negative rating means that they contribute anti-news. They actively reduce the amount of interesting information in the world.
Ex-spurt Fry ratingSays
Mark Attwood 0.55"I regularly get feedback from our students that we have literally “changed their life” with what we teach! .... yeah, they have much less money now
Terry Bains N/A"Hi It’s Terry Bains here. I hope you like my new Internet Marketing Blog."... no we don't. Terry doesn't even have a Twitter account, anyway
Chad Pollitt 0.05"Chad Pollitt has harnessed the power of internet marketing for more than 80 companies and organizations while amassing over $10 million in client ROI with Search Engine Optimization alone." ... Wow! Chad is an ex-soldier, having served in 'Operation Invade a Foreign Country'. He was decorated. Now he's magnolia with a floral border.
Gary Brewer 0.03"President of an Internet Marketing company"... aren't we all? He invites his cat to the board meeting to make the numbers up...
Keith Dougherty -0.07"the perfect choice to help you make the turnaround in life or business. Best of all, Keith has a spirit and a heart."... We were really looking for someone with all of their vital organs...
Brian Hancock 0.16"uses over 12 years of Internet Marketing experience to make other people money"... yeah, other people. Not you.
Dave Conklin 0.05"other people seem to think I may be an alien life form or something" ... why would they think that? Do the antennae give it away?
Javier Ramos -0.07"My wife and I are very happy and excited for the future and the goals we are accomplishing and the financial freedom we’re obtaining"... how nice for you...
Trent Brownrigg0.04"you are always invited to make money with me!" ... or stand there and watch me make it... from you!
Jed Wylie 0.05"I live and work in the heart of the beautiful forest of Cannock Chase" Yeah, we know Cannock Chase. Dead coal mines, grey houses and grey faces. The classy people shop at Poundland. Nice.
Michael Tasner -0.09"His true specialty is his mastery of the Internet as a complete tool"... we're speechless...
Paul Moran 0.3"THERE IS ONLY ONE PAUL MORAN. All other Paul Morans are imposters!"... Bah! Foiled again!
Ewen Chia 0.05"While I'm better known as a world-famous author, speaker and internet marketing guru, this blog has nothing to do with those topics." ... of course not, why would it?
What can we deduce from these remarkable discoveries? Well, 8 out of the top 10 Internet marketing experts are less important, less valuable and contribute less information than even the most media hostile of our jungle celebrities.

The other two? The second most valuable expert rates roughly equal with an ex-footballer's ex-wife.

And the number one Internet marketing expert?

Left in the dust by 11 out of the 13 jungle celebs.

But wait, we hear you say. There are 13 experts listed above. Well, the top ten in the list are 'Internet marketing experts'. The final three? They are the top three people who come up in a Google search for 'Internet marketing guru'.

According to, and 'expert' is "a person who has special skill or knowledge in some particular field", whereas a 'guru' is "an intellectual or spiritual guide or leader, a leader in a particular field". 

If we wanted some Internet marketing, would we give our hard earned cash to an Internet marketing expert? Or Aggro Santos?

A bona fide guru, though? Well, one of our self-proclaimed gurus just noses ahead of the kind faced young rapper, so we would have to look to Linford to give our top guru a clean pair of heels.

So who should you spend your marketing budget with? Someone who reckons they know all about social media, or someone whose opinion is actually worth something?

Let's have a bush tucker trial to find out...

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