Sunday, 27 March 2011

Come Spy With Me

We've heard it all now... a national radio advert recruiting spies.

That's right. MI5 want to recruit people to work as surveillance officers, keeping an eye on anyone who might be suspicious in any way. Like, for example, if you saw an electrician running for a train.

Stop him! He hasn't finished wiring up my garden lighting yet!

Before the 'fall' of communism, people in Eastern Europe didn't know who to trust. Which of their neighbours could they share their spare potatoes with, and which would shop them to the Stazi? Paranoia and mistrust ran rife as neighbours literally spied on neighbours, reporting movements, conversations and suspicions of anti-communist sentiment.

Given the choice between being the informer or the suspected dissident, which would you choose?

So now you can earn around £25,000 telling the government what your neighbours are up to. Perhaps they might start drinking vodka, or buying potential bomb components such as electrical wire and sellotape, or displaying extremist sympathies such as eating Indian takeaways.

Better to be safe than sorry, isn't it?

We've applied, of course. We're hoping to get an assignment watching out for terrorists disguised as sheep.

That's right... we'll be Shepherd Spies.

Thursday, 17 March 2011

Why did the dinosaurs die out?

We've just been pondering this very question while watching a trailer for a TV program on the subject, and we have realised that the answer is simple.

The dinosaurs were killed by diahorrea.

A Brontosaurus went into the local Tandoori and had a dodgy Plesiosaur curry. He had been warned - after all, you never saw any Ankylosaurs round their dustbins.

The problem was that the Bronotsaurus's backside was so high up in the air that the festering filth was sprayed over a very large area, and the epidemic began.

The don't call it a Bronto-sore-arse for nothing, you know.