Sunday, 5 June 2011

Britain's Got Sense!

It was a nail biting final.

We were on the edges of our seats, fingers crossed, grabbing all the wood we could find. Yes, we did everything we could to ensure that Jean Martyn and Steven Hall didn't win. Except vote. After all, the most important event in recent British history still isn't important enough to spend any of our hard earned cash on.

Thankfully, the nation saw sense, not even swayed by the judges' blatant attempts to sway the vote towards Ronan Park. Let's ask the judges who they have liked all along. Let's ask the judges who they think should win. Let's ask the judges who they think has won. And let's ask the judges who they think should have won.

Nice. Well done Jai, but we think Ronan should have won. Are you nervous, Jai? Are you stressed?

Of course he bloody is. He just won a life changing lump of cash, he's a thoroughly nice chap, he won fair and square with a lot of effort - and no tears - and now you're telling him the little cute boy with the massive fringe should have won.

Ronan stood there like Oliver, empty bowl in hand, "Well done Jai..." in a pathetic little voice. Jai should have kicked that bowl out of his little hands, yelling, "In your face Oliver!!"

In fact, he should have also kicked all the judges up their big red buttons - the judges who mocked him for being Scottish, mocked him for being nervous. What was Michael McIntyre thinking, saying he should paint his face blue and wear a kilt? What a patronising git. But where is the surname McIntyre from?

Yes Michael, you should always appear on telly wearing a kilt. And paint your face blue, instead of the peculiar shade of orange that it seems to have gone. Except for your panda eyes.

At the start of the final, we though Jai should win.

But which contestant put in the most effort? Had to be Razy Gogonea. He gave every ounce of energy. And the twist with the fire was stunning. A bucket of water might have come in handy, though.

So there you have it, another year, another singer or dancer wins Britain's Got Talent.

Aren't they supposed to be on X Factor?

As for the smear campaigns? Who started them? Hang on... is that news print on Simon's hand? We think he did a Steve McDonald, just to stir things up and encourage more voting. Oh no, let's all feel sorry for cute little Oliver, we mean David Copperfield, we mean Ronan Parke. It means so much to him. We're sorry, but at his age, it means as much to him as getting a new bike for Christmas. Bright eyes, innocence and greedy parents = a fantastic contract for $imon Cowell.

If the police 'seem to have suggested' (according to the Daily Mail) that the crime report made by Simon Cowell was a publicity stunt, then surely they should be pursuing Mr Cash-Cowell for wasting police time, which really is an offence. But the crime of sending a malicious message? Jesus. Are they making this stuff up? 90% of the messages on Facebook would have to be banned... Where are we living? France? Oh, no... England. Land of hope and glory. Land of hope for the best, more like.

Jai has lived, worked for a living, struggled, had, and nearly lost, a dream.

Well done Jai McDowell, totally deserved.

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