Thursday, 2 June 2011

In Honour of the Brilliant Losers

The judges of Britain's Got Useless Judges have been hacking away at our talent again.

Since they have made some truly diabolical decisions, we thought that we should at least try to even things up a little by telling you where you can book the best acts from the show for your wedding, social club, holiday park or company conference.

But first, a little rant.

The judges sorted the acts who had been told "you're through to the next round" into groups. They put two brilliant dancers together, and they put one brilliant and one half arsed singer together. And they put a load of other half arsed acts together too.

The result was therefore skewed and even fixed.

You see, it's not really fair to compare acts on the basis of their nature; that's for X Factor. BGT is about judging acts on their own individual merit.

As an act, Two and a Half Men, for example, are better than all of the singers put together, so it is blatantly unfair to say that in the semi-final, we'll have a singer and a dancer. Both of the dancers; the Matrix guy Razy Gogonea and the French dancer Michael Moral, were a mile better than both singers, as acts.

You can't say that you can only judge a singer against another singer.

We could watch Les Gibson, the impressionist, all night. But New Bounce (which we also said sounds like something you put in your tumble drier) or Jean Martyn? Jesus, we'd rather pull each other's nose hairs out than watch such tedious crap.

And all of them are better than a grinning, winking, glittering, sad retired teacher playing the organ.

At other times, the judges throw out an act because they can't see it progressing. Jean Martyn is such an act and should have been culled in the first round. Her act? She plays the organ vigorously while grinning and winking. In the semi-final? Same act, different music, although the way she hammers the organ makes them all sound the bloody same anyway.

Four children singing about making lurve? Seen it. Boring. Save it for X Factor.

Karaoke is NOT a talent.

Many of the acts are unique, innovative and undeniably talented, and the judges are basing in their decisions on TV ratings and phone-in cash.

Two And A Half Men's 'spokesman' is called Patrick Bauristhene - you can find him at these links:

The amazing 'Matrix' dancer is Razy Gogonea and you can find him at:

The French dancer who went head to head with Razy is Michael Moral and you can find him at:

As the feckless judges continue to navigate some talentless but cute idiot on a collision course with Her Majesty's face, we'll keep adding to this page so that the talented acts can at least get the exposure they deserve.

1 comment:

  1. Well said, I totally agree. I think the current judges should be sacked, some of the decisions they have made have been terrible. Mexican mayhem and Antonio Popeye for example, watching the auditions you can certainly find them entertaining for that brief moment, but on live TV and in semi final I just don't see how acts like these can work. When you've seen them once there is pretty much nothing else they can do. I just don't understand the judges thought processes behind these decisions. Yes some acts are good, but I could of easily picked better acts on this show to replace the rubbish ones and therefore have good acts all the way through.