Wednesday, 6 July 2011

It Was Melody's Time

In this, the tenth week, Kool and the Gang visit a warehouse in London to pick up some tat, or as Screaming Lord Sugar calls it, tut.

He dances about like a little fairy. Why? Because he's lovin' it. In his element. Up his alley. In his sardine tin. A cash and carry is his spiritual birthplace.

The teams have two days to sell as much tat as possible based on a starting investment of £250.

But wait for the catch - the task is about reinvestment. He wants them to get back and restock as much as possible. Sell. Smell. Buy. And repeat to a count of ten. And.... relax.

Reinvestment. He really wants them to remember the point of the task, no excuses for missing it like they have done in every other task. Every one. Idiots.

And will they remember?

Hmmm......

Melody jumps into lead her brave Logical warriors. "It's my time", she says.

How prophetic...

"Is everybody behind me?", she asks her team.

"Yes" they say. Yes, Melody, behind you all the way. Pushing you right out the door.

Susan begs to be PM for Venture. "I'm very good at picking up on what can sell", she claims.

Right, at the end of the day, look in the box. Whatever you've got least of, that's what can sell.

Unbelievable.

Susan decides to go door to door in Kensington selling duvets. Door to door! Kensington! And all without an ID card proving that she's a young offender being sponsored to make a living selling overpriced household crap. Will she never learn?

Melody has an inspired idea - the mark of a true scapegoat, we mean leader. Buy some crap from a wholesaler and then go and sell it to some retailers. Erm...

They go into Pound Star. Here's a clue. They don't sell stars. They offer the man some nice £50 watches for just £25. Pound Star. Never mind.

Next, they take duvets into a hardware shop.

Meanwhile, Tom is at the London Eye selling nodding bulldogs, sunglasses and.... a pressure washer.

A pressure washer?

Maybe he should have sold it to the London Eye to keep the capsules clean.

Natasha is really panicking. She says, "I'm not panicking", just to prove it. She tries her hand at selling duvet covers in Covent Garden. Are they union jack, royal wedding commemorative duvet covers?

No, beige polycotton. £25. To tourists.

Helen has had enough and tries to mount a one woman mutiny. She is overthrown by the queen of bigging herself up, Melody.

Back in the boardroom and was Melody a good PM?

"No. Terrible"

Well, that was the most honest answer from the whole series from Helen. However, Helen can't avoid the blame, because she did come up with the idea of buying stuff from a wholesaler and selling it to a retailer.

"After a few retailers, we realised that they want to buy at wholesale prices"

WHAT? Now you tell us....

Natasha consistently failed to reinvest. Now, what was the point of the task again? Let's think... we're sure Jim mentioned it once. Or half a dozen times.

A £100 fine for Venture for failing to reinvest. Harsh!!!

You see, the two teams were told, very plainly by Lord Sugar, that the task was reinvestment, and the success criteria was ASSETS. Not profit. Not turnover. Not sales volume. Not empty boxes. ASSETS.

Team Sales + Stock Purchases Assets Fine Total
Logic £1204 £476 £728 - £728
Venture £1154 £303 £851 £100 £751


What the teams didn't work out is that stock is an asset, because you can sell it tomorrow, and cash is an asset, because you can spend it tomorrow.

So it didn't matter that they had stock left over.

Ah well, it's only Lord Sugar's money at the end of the day.

Natasha won by default, so no treat for Venture. And straight to bed with no tea!!

Back at the house, they're having a very grown up debate about the situation. Natasha says that the reason she completely failed to misunderstand the nature of the task, right at the beginning, was because Susan was complaining on the market stall.

And in the boardroom, Melody takes a massive gamble and pretends to take responsibility. We've got to hand it to her, she's figured out the game and is chancing her hand.

"I should be fired if we just go by this task"

Melody, his Lordship was only too happy to oblige.

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