Sunday, 21 August 2011

X Factor is Also Back!

X Factor is back on our tellys with its usual blend of painful wannabees, novelty warblers and Dermot O'Leary feeling up the female contestants.

But what twist do we have to liven things up a bit?

Not one but two girls who apparently used to be famous are on the panel of judges, along with Gary Barlow who appears to have taken Simon Cowell's place as the token grumpy expert. And Louis Walsh is as bright eyed and sentimental as ever.

As for the acts, we have some kind of lap dancer from Hong Kong, some kind of tap dancer from Birmingham and some kind of crap dancer from wherever the hell he can get his sorry arse back to.

And also the token pratt with stupid hair.

And the token shy girl from a tiny village. And we know she's through, otherwise why would they send a film crew to Ireland to film a shot of the name of her tiny village where she was locked away in her bedroom like Rapunzel singing into the mirror. Or, as the voice over said, pretending to sing. How do you pretend to sing? Do they mean miming?

But the most wonderful and magical thing of all is this year's competition. Yes, you can actually win... wait for it... a day in the life of Britney Spears!!

So that means you get married for a day, get off your face on drugs and booze, fall out of a taxi and have your kids taken off you.

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