Tuesday, 6 September 2011

Celebrity Big Fat Gypsy Brother

Channel 5's strategy is quite brilliant, actually. Take a bunch of talentless, unknown or has-been wannabes, stick them in an Ikea showroom for the weekend and by the time it's all over, they've become celebrities, thus earning a legitimate place in celebrity great big waste of electricity.

So we have, what was it, 2 or 3 evictions? Then we're left with about 8 people in the house. Then the producers get bored and say, oh, no-one's watching anyway, let's just have the final vote. They might as well just have held a raffle. Pink 76? The young man in the white vest wins a jar of pickled eggs. Lucky lad.

The 'bit on the side' companion is equally pointless. They are so scraping the barrel that their two star guests are people who didn't win big brother last time. And a surprise guest, Christopher Biggins, who will of course jump at any opportunity to walk down a flight of stairs in his pyjamas with no underpants on. And he reckons he's not a pervert.

Biggins can only comment on how hot the young men are. The ex contestants can only comment on how their time in the house was. The dishevelled man in the front row can only comment on anything at all, just to get on the telly, while always holding his hands as if he's about to molest Amy Childs.

Meanwhile, we can sum up the highlights of this debut for C5's BB with these bullet points:

  • Mummy mummy mummy mummy mummy... ooooohhhhh mummy mummy mummy... ooooohhhhh mummy mummy mummy... 
  • Erm... that's it

And now it's only 4 days to go until normal service is resumed, general public big brother returns and we're back to watching a bunch of nobodies arsing around like animals in a zoo whilst trying to develop some kind of future media career for themselves.

Or is that what we have been watching?

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