Thursday, 15 September 2011

We Will Not Rest

UBS (Union Bank of Switzerland) is one of those corporate finance behemoths that played a key role in us all losing our credit limits and not being able to get mortgages, the greedy b@$t@rd$.

Anyway, they, like many of the mega-banks, have been rebranding to show us all how wonderful and trustworthy they are now that they've hoovered out our life savings.

Their new catchphrase is..... "We will not rest"

It's a wonderful ambiguity.

We will not rest... until we have made the financial services world a better, safer place?

We will not rest... until we have taken every last penny off you?

We will not rest... until the regulators stop watching us?

Yes, that's more like it. Especially in light of this week's news that a rogue trader at UBS, one Kweku Adoboli, lost $2 billion in dodgy dealing. To put that into perspective, that's about the same as a thousand people will earn in a lifetime. That's about the number of people who have been charged with rioting in London.

So if you took all the people who have been charged, in court, with rioting in London, and you add up all the money they would earn in a lifetime if they got off their sponging backsides and earned a crust, that's about what Kweku Adoboli frittered away on the posh equivalent of scratch cards.

UBS say that he acted single handedly and without any of his managers knowing anything about it.

Hmm...

We have rogue reporters, writing stories in a national newspaper, and no-one at the newspaper has any clue how those stories got there, and why they're paying a man who is in prison.

Now we have a bank who knows absolutely nothing about what its traders are up to. Traders who presumably can't trade with IOUs written on post-it notes, they have to use trading systems, and trading systems are tracked and logged. Ah well, turn a blind eye while he's on the up and if it all goes pear-shaped, we'll say he was a rogue agent. We'll disavow him like on Mission Impossible.

And to top it all, Kweku Adoboli is an anagram of 'I look weak, Bud'. Yeah, you do.

Nick Leeson was the original rogue trader.

If you're not familiar with the term 'rogue trader' then it is a technical banking term for 'scapegoat'.

No comments:

Post a Comment