Wednesday, 22 February 2012

Support Rotary International and Eradicate Polio

A quite incredible news item on the BBC on Monday this week.

Rotary International support a program to immunise children against life threatening diseases such as Polio, and their latest effort supplied the vaccine, which you may remember having yourself on a sugar lump, to 170 Million children.

170 Million. That's about 4 times the population of Britain.

And over what period of time do you think they delivered those 170 Million vaccines?

In the last ten years? The last year maybe?

No.

They achieved that staggering feat last weekend.

So give them your support. We think they've earned it.

Monday, 20 February 2012

Everyday is Like Sunday...

Yes, Megalomaniacs International, we mean News Corp, have announced the launch of an all new, brand new, standing up for the little people, not at all tarred with the same brush and with all new, honest, privacy respecting, not celebrity harrassing journalistic staff (but only because they've all been arrested) sunday newspaper - The Sun on Sunday.

But hang on, we thought The News of the World was the Sun on Sunday. Same crap. Same reader's offers. Same style. Same logo. Same soft porn twaddle.

No, no, no, no, no. It's a totally different newspaper. A sister paper. Not the same paper at all. Not owned by the same people, not employing the same journalists, not in the same offices. Totally different. As different as chalk and.... erm.... chalk. One paper is printed Monday through Saturday, the other on Sunday. How much more different could they be?!

So in their never ending crusade against the business fat cats and celebrities who abuse positions of power, we presume that the first feature article in the Sun on Sunday will be about Rupert Murdoch?

The BBC thoughtfully played an interview with Murdoch from the 1970s where he was asked if he enjoyed the power of owning a newspaper. He said yes, of course he enjoyed the power, power to decide what people know about, what they read, how they vote. He said that newspapers can also do great harm by hiding information from people.

Hmmmm....


Wednesday, 15 February 2012

Sea Lion Attacked by Rabid Singer

You're going to love this.

According to the BBC...
 Pop star Shakira has described how a sea lion "tried to bite" her as she took a picture on her mobile phone. During a holiday in Cape Town the singer wrote about how the animal "got about one foot away from me, looked me in the eye, roared in fury". 
This actually isn't surprising at all. The sea lion was obviously enraged at more paparazzi infringing its privacy. It had recently discovered that its phone was one of those hacked by the reporters from Daily Mirror that Piers Morgan knew nothing about. A story about an intimate threesome encounter with a couple of manatees was all over the front page and the sea lion had to resign his job as a football coach. The headline was "Mana-tease!"
She said: "My brother 'Super Tony' jumped over me and literally saved my life, taking me away from the beast." Shakira and her brother suffered "scratches" from rocks "while trying to protect ourselves". 
 They'll be suing the rocks next.
 In a blog post on her Facebook page titled "Special report: Attacked by a sea lion", the Colombian singer included a photo of a minor cut sustained on her hand. "Everyone there screamed, including me. I was paralyzed by fear and couldn't move."
Imagine how the poor sea lion felt!
Shakira, currently visiting South Africa, explained that she thought the animal had become confused. "I believe what happened is that it confused the shiny reflection of the BlackBerry I was taking these pics [sic] with, with some sort of fish," she wrote. "It probably thought I was teasing it with food and then taking it away from it." 
 It's an easy mistake. I tried to order an iPhone with chips and mushy peas the other day. Imagine my embarrassment when the woman in the shop told me that the iPhone only comes with curry sauce!

Captain Morgan's Rum Do

We recently delighted you with an account of Piers Morgan's fabricated ramblings, sorry we mean testimony, to the Leveson enquiry. He said that he couldn't reveal his sources when asked to say who had played him one of Heather Mills' voicemails.

The barrister suggested that he'd be very happy to get Heather Mills down to testify as to whether she gave permission for Morgan to listen to her voicemails. Morgan responded by saying that if people wanted to keep things private then they shouldn't talk about them. So if you're stupid enough to put personal information in a voicemail or email then you're fair game and it's your own fault.

The BBC confirms that, "The former wife of Sir Paul McCartney has denied authorising former Daily Mirror editor Piers Morgan to access her voicemail messages."

Can we expect to see Piers dragged back across the Atlantic to face perjury charges? Of course not. Because we have to remember all the good that newspapers do too. Like keeping tramps warm.

Greecing the Wheels of the International Economy

The sugar daddies of the European Union have been discussing the problems in the Greek economy again.
According to the BBC:

"The Greek people have been pushed to the limit by austerity measures demanded by the EU and IMF, public order minister Christos Papoutsis says.

He said Greeks had made "superhuman" efforts, and "can't take any more"."

What's that? The Greek people can't take any more? We think they'd be only too happy to take more! That's what got them into this mess in the first place!

"Right, children. You've spent all your pocket money so the only solution is to give you some more, but you must promise to spend it more carefully next time."

"We will!"