Tuesday, 8 May 2012

The Beautiful Apprentice

This year's Apprentice follows the same format as last year; the winner becomes Lord Sucre's business partner. Maybe he ran out of jobs at Amstrad to give the winners, or maybe he thought that a business deal was a better way to stop them all leaving after a year and starting up their own businesses.

The problem with this format is that it skews the firing process. Lord Sugar isn't firing who deserves to be fired, he is firing the person he least wants as a business partner.

Take the most recent episode of the TV game show (don't forget, it is just a game show) where the hapless contestants had to buy tat from a big warehouse and then flog it to clueless punters from Essex at huge profit margins.

In the firing line were Jade, Azhar and Tom. Well, Tom shouldn't have been there at all but Jade was scraping the barrel because, as she herself admitted, the failure of the task was her fault. She wasted too much time choosing sites, left not enough time to buy stock and consequently had no plan for buying stock. It all went downhill from there, rapidly.

Jade was far and away the looserest member of the team because she had no plan other than 'buy stuff and sell it'. At one point, she actually said that her strategy was to "win the task". That's an outcome, luv, not a strategy. A strategy means 'what's your plan to get there?'. She didn't have one.

Azhar was berated for repeatedly asking Jade for a strategy. But he wouldn't have had to ask if she'd had one!!!

But LS fired him because he didn't like the look of him. Fair enough, he was a bit of a whinger, but which is easiest to learn; a bit more positivity when dealing with people, or the fundamental ability to make sound business decisions?

This year's Apprentice ain't a business game show, it's a beauty parade.

We predict that the winner will be the person with the business plan that involves working with children and opening a boutique.

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