Thursday, 29 November 2012

Some Jokes.... If You Can Call Them That

I thought of two jokes this morning that you might like.

Cinderella has been made a government regulator. She has been given sweeping powers.

My house is heroic. It was last decorated during the war.

As David Cameron would say, LOL.

Making an Impression

I went to an interview recently. At the end, they asked me if I had any questions. I said,

"Yes. What is your first impression of me?"

The interviewer replied,

"Erm.... It's too early to tell"

Did I miss the point of a first impression?

Wednesday, 28 November 2012

Free Press?

Lord Leveson has recommended regulation of the press.

The press are up in arms.

According to a bald man on the telly, 'we' fought long and hard for freedom of speech and we can't sacrifice that.

Isn't that like saying that our free will must not be controlled by the government?

Hmm.. That's a nice new flat panel telly in Currys. I don't want to pay for it though. We fought long and hard for free will in this Country! Someone died in a war to make this a free country! Property is theft! etc. etc.

Freedom of speech isn't the problem.

The problem is what certain journalists use that freedom to say.

And yes, they should be regulated.

Monday, 19 November 2012

Curious goings-on in Belize

John McAfee, the founder of the anti-virus software company of the same name, is on the run in Belize after the local police found his neighbour shot dead.

John has gone into hiding, using various disguises including a tramp and a German tourist, continuing to blog about his daily adventures while on the run with his 20 year old girlfriend (he's 67) and spying on his own house into to keep tabs on the police, who is convinced are trying to frame him.

Well, it makes interesting reading. At the time of one police raid, when he apparently ran out naked holding a gun, he was living with a 17 year old girl.

He says that he loves lots of people but doesn't care if they love him or not as long as they're honest.


He says, "If I am captured, this blog will continue. I have pre-written enough material to keep this blog alive for at least a year. In addition, the administrator, Chad, will continue to monitor comments. He will administer the reward and post any information received. In truth my continued involvement from this point is irrelevant."

Some would say that they feel the same way about his involvement up to this point, too.

Thursday, 8 November 2012

Politics 1, Democracy 0

In the UK, we're about to have elections for local Police Commissioners. The government have responded to all the fuss about the influence over the police by political parties, for example in the recent News of the World scandal where the police failed to investigate some serious crimes and politicians were somehow involved, along with pool parties and flirty text messages. But there was absolutely no connection between any of those events.

Anyway, at the moment, each police force is overseen by a committee of 17 people, drawn from the local community, social services and so on. They debate policy and standards and the odd number means that there's never a hung vote.

The government, in the interests of maintaining the integrity of the police and the non-interference of political parties, are replacing this committee of 17 good people with a committee of... 1.

One police commissioner will have the power to hire and fire Chief Constables, amongst other important things.

Now, to keep it all fair and above board, anyone can stand for election as a commissioner. Anyone with £5,000 to spend on the deposit, that is.

But oh, hang on, what's this? If you're a serving MP, as in a Member of Parliament, as in a serving party political politician, you only have to pay £500. Which you don't really have to pay, your party pays it for you.

OK, so a politician pays £500 and an ordinary pillar of the local community pays £5,000.

On top of that, the government has levelled the playing field by limiting how much the candidates can spend on advertising. £100,000.


That's quite a lot of money for an independent candidate to spend on advertising, isn't it?

But a drop in the ocean for a main political party.

I say we vote to get rid of democracy. It's all a con anyway.

Wednesday, 7 November 2012

I'm a MP... Get The Whip Out Of Me!

Nadine Dorries is to join some other people you've never heard of in the jungle on Sunday.

Apparently, she isn't doing it to pursue a media career. She's using it as a platform for her political views and will be sharing her policies on various issues of interest to her constituents.

We think that Nadine obviously has never seen the show, because that's not quite how it works. The only things that the contestants get to share their views on are kangaroo's vital organs, cockroaches and each others' personal hygiene habits.

The Conservative party has never been short of controversy. Their response to Nadine's TV appearance was to "withdraw the whip".

Now come on, seriously, that sounds like exactly the kind of perverted act that the Conservatives are more usually in the news for!

Friday, 2 November 2012


Apparently, Carex hand wash "works in seconds"

That's convenient, because that's exactly how long it takes me to wash my hands...

Britain's Got Mobiles!

Yes, we have finally joined the 21st century and gone mobile blogging mad. You can now expect up to 3% more rubbish on the Internet than ever before.