Sunday, 1 June 2014

It's the Village Bike...

A man in Glasgow was in court recently, accused of trying to have sex with a bike. We don't mean a promiscuous local tartlet, we mean an actual bicycle.

"Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his bedroom at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr."

Maybe, in an attempt to explore his sexuality, he got bisexual confused with bicycle.

"Stewart had denied the offence, claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding after he had too much to drink."

Ah yes, a misunderstanding of course. Maybe one of his flatmates said that there was a ride waiting for him in his bedroom. He'll be a bit saddle sore now, I should think. He needs to break the chains of love and get a handlebar on his life. Put the brakes on a bit.

Oh, and of course, get a life.

Mind you, that's nothing compared with the American who tried to have sex with a cashpoint machine.

"Police in Murfreesboro, Tenn., say Lonnie Hutton, 49, strutted into the Boro Bar and Grill, cozied up to the ATM, pulled down his pants and underwear and then attempted to have sexual intercourse with the machine."

Another misunderstanding, obviously. When his friends said there was a hole in the wall... you get the picture.

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